VADGA \ SECTION I. \ introduction

VA D G A*

Greetings! You have found your browser window open to this website because you have either expressed interest in taking an Americorps VISTA position in Greensboro, Alabama or because you are implausibly lucky.

Whether your being on this website was merely fate or simply good fortune is unimportant at this time. What is important, however, is that you are here. Welcome. The ensuing pages will help us determine which position you would be best suited for should you be accepted as an M Lab Americorps VISTA for the 2010—11 year.

Ready to begin? Good. Use the and any  Green Links  in each section to move your browser forward to the next milestone.

*Everyone loves a good acronym. VADGA stands for VISTA Assignment Description for Greensboro, AL

VADGA \ SECTION II. \ instructions

Hooray! You’re on your way towards Americorps application victory!
In the next section you’ll read a brief anecdote about each of your predecessors. This will be followed by a scientifically substantiated survey, which you (the reader) must complete in order to be considered for an Americorps VISTA position with the M Lab in Greensboro, Alabama. Sounds good, right? But before we continue, let’s take a moment to prepare:

  1. Make certain that you are alone.

  2. Clear your workspace of any and all distractions.

  3. Locate your favorite music album (whether in your digital or physical library) and instead play an adjacent album.

  4. Stand up (inhale), touch your toes (exhale), reach upwards towards the ceiling (inhale), bend at your knees until you are squatting (exhale), stand back up (inhale), and laugh loudly for three counts (exhale).

  5. Sit back down in your chair.

VADGA \ SECTION III. \ gender resolve

First, are you a Girl or a Boy? If you’re unsure, it may be helpful to evaluate your laughter. For example, do you “Tee hee!” or do you “Ha ah!” Helpful?

  1. A.I’m a Boy.

  2. B.I’m a Girl.

VADGA \ SECTION III. \ gender resolve

You’re a male and you’re proud! Please take a moment to read this authoritative and revealing tale of a female, as she details her flight from that of ordinary graphic designer to one of shining volunteer! Enjoy.

Once there was a girl named Megan. She had just finished her studies in graphic design at CCS – she was happy. One day, Megan was bitten on the shoulder by the Project M Bug. What commenced thereafter was a series of serendipitous events, that essentially propelled Megan into a whirlwind of excitement and life-altering experiences. With little more than a second thought, Megan boarded a plane and jetted off to blustery Belfast, Maine to participate in a Project M Blitz, one that would eventually instigate a little movement called ‘Free Pie,’ and later PieLab(!)

It was during this M session that Megan’s fate as an Americorps Vista Volunteer slash Co-director of the Project M Lab was ultimately sealed. The account goes something like this: Megan finds out about the position on a friday morning. Megan finds out that the application deadline for the position is in fact that very day. Megan hyperventilates. Megan hastily applies for the position after one too many rounds of ale. Next day, Megan’s phone rings; it’s Wendy. Wendy discusses the position with Megan. Megan asks questions. Wendy answers them honestly. Megan calls her mom. Megan realizes that Wendy’s real name is actually Serah. Megan throws up her arms and screams, “WHY NOT?!!!!” and the rest my friends is what they call history.

VADGA \ SECTION III. \ gender resolve

You’re female and you’re well aware. Please take a moment
to read this classic and enlightening tale of Ryan's transformation from lowly graphic design student to shining volunteer! Please, do read carefully.

Once upon a time there was a boy named Ryan. He was a junior at MICA. He was unhappy—tired of working so hard only to receive a grade. He wanted to see his work be applied and actually matter. After searching for alternatives to completing his senior year in Baltimore, he proposed a transfer to his academic advisor. She said the idea was “impossible.” He was not satisfied with this answer, so instead consulted his most respected and trusted professor. Ryan's professor mentioned that a Designer/Thinker named John Bielenberg was visiting Baltimore soon and might have an opportunity for him. After an intimidating introduction, Ryan emailed John and inquired about the position.

A couple of weeks later, Ryan was on his way to Greensboro to interview. After spending one of the most amazing and comfortable few days of his life with Serah (his tour guide through Greensboro), Ryan knew what he needed to do. On his return to Baltimore, he kept his head down and charged through the rest of his junior semester. Only two weeks after he finished, he was in Greensboro for what would be the next year of his life.

VADGA \ SECTION IV. \ adventure! \ introduction

You’ve finally arrived at the Scientifically Substantiated Survey section. In the following few pages, you will be asked a series of situational questions. Answer honestly and to the best of your ability. Please keep track of your answers as they will help us determine which Americorps VISTA position at M Lab is right for you! Ready? Set… Go!

VADGA \ SECTION IV. \ adventure! \ Question #1

You are walking east down the sidewalk of Main St. enjoying your favorite sandwich, when you stumble upon a strange situation: To your right you see an elderly woman crying for help to retrieve her large, yet cute, cat from a large oak tree; to your left you see a small child chasing after her out of control basketball towards the bustling Main Street.

Based on these circumstances, what sandwich would you have been enjoying as you strolled down the street?

  1. A.Vegemite Sandwich

  2. B.Monte Cristo Sandwich

  3. C.Bahn Mi Sandwich

  4. D.Garden Salad Sandwich

  5. E.Club Sandwich

  6. F.Peanut-butter and Jelly Sandwich

VADGA \ SECTION IV. \ adventure! \ Question #2

You have just arrived at Japonica Path after being summoned by the local chief of police. The officers already at the crime scene ask that you analyze all of the evidence available and report any conclusions to them immediately afterward. As you enter the mansion's study, through the brightly lit doorway, you notice the glint from a pool of fresh blood and lying next to it a lead pipe, a candlestick, a rope, a knife, a wrench, and a pistol.

Based on the evidence at the crime scene, who is the most likely of candidates to have committed this crime?

  1. A.Professor Plum

  2. B.Mrs. White

  3. C.Colonel Ramsey

  4. D.Mr. Green

  5. E.Miss Scarlet

  6. F.Miss Peacock

VADGA \ SECTION IV. \ adventure! \ Question #3

You have been asked to give a lecture at the world's first International Americorps VISTA Graphic Designer’s conference held in Vancouver. Other speakers include Stefan Sagmeister (speaking at breakfast), Ellen Lupton (speaking at lunch), and Saul Bass (speaking at an undisclosed time). The President of the conference asks you when you would like to speak at the incredible event.

Already knowing who is speaking and when they are doing so, what mode of transportation would you employ to get to the conference?

  1. A.Helicopter

  2. B.Ice-Cream Truck

  3. C.Bicycle

  4. D.Hybrid Motorized Vehicle

  5. E.Large Van

  6. F.Weighted Vest and Your Feet

VADGA \ SECTION IV. \ adventure! \ Question #4

Flannel wearing storm chasers have asked you to accompany them on their Small Towns of the South Tornado Tour; a documentary film project highlighting the unbelieveably high rate of tornado occurrences Southeast of the Tornado Alley. Along with your standard issue Tornado Survival Kit Pack™, they have allowed you to bring along a single item of your choice.

As you pack for this likely-fatal adventure, what one item do you bring along?

  1. A.First thing you can grab

  2. B.Bag of Trail-Mix

  3. C.Hang Glider

  4. D.Your Lucky Hemp Bracelet

  5. E.Your Wallet

  6. F.Nothing, you accept your fate

VADGA \ SECTION IV. \ adventure! \ Question #5

You are the famous mid-nineteenth century clown Zampanó. You are performing your last show before your untimely death from chronic liver failure. Being a severe alcoholic, you are feeling somewhat dizzy just seconds before you will be cued into the spotlight by the ring leader in front of an audience of thousands. The icy sweat of panic drips from your sharp brow onto the orange dirt floor of the circus tent while you make your decision.

Given the extreme pressure of the circumstances, as well as your inebriated state. What act will you decide to give the audience on your last performance?

  1. A. Mime a humorous improvisiation of the Hindenburg crashing

  2. B.Ask the audience to throw an assortment of Pies at you

  3. C.Ride a small bicycle fitted with a silly-sounding horn in circles

  4. D.Squirt water from a cleverly disguised “Flower” on your lapel

  5. E.Greet the Front Row with Various Gags and Goofs

  6. F.Attempt a strong-man chain-break routine and fail

VADGA \ SECTION IV. \ adventure! \ Question #6

It is 1938, you have red hair, and you have been asked by Tom Smith to jockey the legendary horse Seabiscuit. On the day of the race, as you are tending to Seabiscuit, you are surprised by a strange looking man who appears from the shadows of the stables. He smiles and asks you to fix the day’s race for him by altering the contents of Seabiscuit's famously specific feed. Because he offers an extremely generous sum, you have no choice but to accept.

Knowing that you will walk away from this incident extremely wealthy, what additive do you use to ruin Seabiscuit’s success?

  1. A.Red Meat

  2. B.Galactooligosaccharide

  3. C.Iron Oxide

  4. D.Dihydrogen Monoxide

  5. E.Aspergillus Fumigatus

  6. F.Streptococcus Equi

VADGA \ SECTION IV. \ adventure! \ Question #7

After the recent launch of their Hibiscus Satellite IV, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration have asked you to their facility at the California Institute of Technology, without specifying why. Upon arrival, they reveal to you that images of the Earth from the Hibiscus pictured an unidentified landmass that had somehow remained undiscovered over the course of cartographic history. NASA asks you to colonize this miracle continent.

Based on your all encompassing knowledge of governmental structures and political philosophy, what form of government
would you implement in this new country?

  1. A.Anarchy

  2. B.Feudalism

  3. C.Technocracy

  4. D.Meritocracy

  5. E.Logocracy

  6. F.Oligarchy

VADGA \ SECTION V. \ results

Congratulations! You’re an Americorps Explorer!*

You are just as clueless as both Megan and Ryan when they arrived in Hale and like it that way. Your duty will be to find your own way through your Americorps VISTA M Lab year.

Your objectives will be to:

  1. Explore and get involved in the Hale County community

  2. Integrate into HERO, PieLab, and Bikelab as a way to orient yourself

  3. Be patient and reflective

  4. Get an idea and let nothing stop you

*Not the result you expected? No worries. This survey is completely irrelevant and actually somewhat arbitrary. The best thing about being an Americorps VISTA at M Lab is that you get to make it whatever!

Apply Now!

VADGA \ SECTION V. \ results

Congratulations! You’re a PieLab Pal!*

You love either Pie or PieLab. The duties over the course of your Americorps VISTA M Lab year will be that of an official PieLab employee (except you will be poor and off the books). Be the charismatic PR agent, be a magnificent pastry chef, but most importantly be a creative culinary graphic designer!

Your objectives will be to:

  1. Keep up with and initiate public correspondence as a PieLab rep

  2. Be available to take over Baker and/or Barista shifts at PieLab

  3. Organize and plan Community Events to take place in PieLab

  4. Be a part of the PieLab Design Team

*Not the result you expected? No worries. This survey is completely irrelevant and actually somewhat arbitrary. The best thing about being an Americorps VISTA at M Lab is that you get to make it whatever!

Apply Now!

VADGA \ SECTION V. \ results

Congratulations! You’re a BikeLab Bicycle Fiend!*

You are a bike snob and/or are very lean and have facial hair. The duties over the course of your Americorps VISTA M Lab year will be that of the official BikeLab director. You will be in charge of helping baby BikeLab take its first steps while blindly and violently preaching/perpetuating the mission statement it was founded upon.

Your objectives will be to:

  1. Keep up with and initiate public correspondence as a BikeLab rep

  2. Be available to take Mechanic shifts at BikeLab

  3. Organize and plan Community Class/Race Events at BikeLab

  4. Be in constant search and seizure for Funding Opportunities

  5. Be the BikeLab Design Director, responsible for website upkeep, etc…

*Not the result you expected? No worries. This survey is completely irrelevant and actually somewhat arbitrary. The best thing about being an Americorps VISTA at M Lab is that you get to make it whatever!

Apply Now!

VADGA \ SECTION V. \ results

Congratulations! You’re the Greensboro Thumb!*

You have a direct affinity to the Earth and those green things that grow from it. Founding the first Hale County Farmer’s Market is no easy task, but it is one well-worth taking on. The duties over the course of your Americorps VISTA M Lab year will be that of a hippie. Promote healthy eating, green gardening, and buying local.

Your objectives will be to:

  1. Identify and rally possible contributors, patrons, and funding

  2. Identify sources of locally grown ingredients for PieLab

  3. Develop and tend to the PieLab and HERO gardens

  4. Develop a nutrition and buying campaign for the Community

  5. Be the Farmer’s Market Design Director

*Not the result you expected? No worries. This survey is completely irrelevant and actually somewhat arbitrary. The best thing about being an Americorps VISTA at M Lab is that you get to make it whatever!

Apply Now!

VADGA \ SECTION V. \ results

Congratulations! You’re a Community/Design Emissary!*

You don’t know when to shut up. In a good way! The duties over the course of your Americorps VISTA M Lab year will be that of an M Lab diplomat. You will act as design and community outreach. You must keep up M relations within our local community, but also those abroad. You must also be willing to have a great time throwing parties and other community events.

Your objectives will be to:

  1. Be Public Representative/Correspondent for all organizations under the “Mbrella” (PieLab, BikeLab, Blitz, Project M, and M Lab)

  2. Organize and plan Community Events taking place under the “Mbrella”

  3. Develop and implement an Intern/Visiting Designer program for M Lab

  4. Be in constant search and seizure for funding opportunities

*Not the result you expected? No worries. This survey is completely irrelevant and actually somewhat arbitrary. The best thing about being an Americorps VISTA at M Lab is that you get to make it whatever!

Apply Now!

VADGA \ SECTION V. \ results

Congratulations! You’re a Design HERO!*

You truly know and understand the meaning of the term “Volunteer” as giving your soul away for nothing in return. The duties over the course of your Americorps VISTA M Lab year will be that of a HERO design director. You will be busy designing for local chapters of programs essential to our community.

Your objectives will be to:

  1. Collaborate with other VISTAs on identifying and executing projects

  2. Create/maintain HERO, YouthBuild, and Habitat for Humanity websites

  3. Be available for HERO, YouthBuild, and Habitat design projects

  4. Develop a Greensboro Thrift Store identity, façade, and mural designs

*Not the result you expected? No worries. This survey is completely irrelevant and actually somewhat arbitrary. The best thing about being an Americorps VISTA at M Lab is that you get to make it whatever!

Apply Now!

VADGA \ SECTION VI. \ conclusion

Copyright © 2010 The Meg/Ryan, all rights reserved

Wonderful! You have almost completed the official VADGA and are now ready to submit your application. Upon clicking the submit button on this page, you’ll be redirected to the official Americorps VISTA Application page.

**IMPORTANT** In order to be elligible for an M Lab VISTA position, you must fill out and submit the Americorps application by MARCH 15TH. If you do not complete this application by the deadline (even if we’ve received your VADGA) you will not be eligible. Their rules, not ours. Blame the government.

Sincerely Yours Truly,
Megan & Ryan

Ready to submit? Do It!